It will not have escaped the notice of my regular readers (hi Mum) that Blogmas didn’t really go to plan. Despite huge amounts of planning and brainstorming, I managed to write just four blog posts. I realised pretty quickly that committing to Blogmas was a bad idea. I did All-in August in the summer and generally enjoyed it, but Blogmas was just too much. I also somehow completely missed the fact that Blogmas, despite the obvious name, was supposed to primarily consist of Christmas content.
I was feeling apprehensive about Christmas already, and the sudden realisation that I had unwittingly signed myself up to write about the subject filled me with dread. Ordinarily, I really enjoy Christmas, but this year there were rather unusual circumstances; my brother is still in Japan, and there’s really only myself, my Mother and my Grandmother left to celebrate Christmas together, as the rest of my family lives in Scotland or abroad. Faced with the prospect of Christmas without my younger brother and best friend, I wasn’t feeling particularly festive.
I’ve also been feeling a great deal of uncertainty about this blog and the direction I want to take it in. I recently rebranded, going from Spare Oom to Brambling, and while I’m delighted with the look and feel now, I’m not sure that I’m still blogging for the right reasons. I started this blog as a creative outlet, not expecting any real success. I’ve gathered a small readership over time, and I’m immensely proud of
some of the content I’ve produced. The pressure of Blogmas and mounting insecurity about the quality of my writing led me to essentially run away for several weeks. I’ve spent the last three weeks avoiding thinking about my blog and instead have just spent my time relaxing and rapidly preparing for Christmas. I’m still not sure about where to take this blog, feeling always as if I need a direction, a place to aim for, rather than just writing what I feel. Despite that, I have missed it these last few weeks.
I think I’m ready to return to writing regularly here; it’s not like writing for work or for others, which I find easy. Here, I write entirely for myself; I am my own worst critic, my own audience and my biggest fan. It makes things tricky sometimes, but I’m more optimistic about 2018 than I have been about much of 2017. I constantly remind myself that comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s no secret that I struggle with it daily.
The last few weeks have been lovely. I’ve spent days wandering Heaton Park in the snow, wandering the muddy woods of Haigh Hall on Christmas Eve, and revelling in the wide open spaces and crisp, cold winter air. I’ve spent time with family, friend and my boyfriend and I’ve loved it. I’m heading off to Scotland very soon, which will involve walks on the beach in the freezing cold and hoots of laughter as my family and boyfriend play ridiculous board games.
I’m still not sure what the plan is for 2018, but I’m looking forward to diving back into this blog. I’m taking a deep breath and doing a much-needed reset.
That’s all for now, speak soon.