I really need to chill. I would say 2018 has been the most stressful year of my life, but the reality is that it’s probably only in the top three. I feel like I’ve been stressed pretty much since I turned 18, as my entry into adulthood was immediately characterised by loneliness, fast food and a general sense of impending doom that I resolutely ignored. This year, the big thing has been The Move. I’ve spent most of the year focused on one thing – buying property. I detest renting, probably because in the last eight years I’ve moved twelve times. I’m pretty sick of packing up everything I own and moving, whether it’s halfway across the country, to the other side of a city or just down the road. My Mum, chief driver and van renter, is fed up as well. I’m very much looking forward to moving one more time, and then not having to do it again until I decide I want to.
I’m really hoping that 2019 will be the year I can finally slow down. Sure, there will be a whole new set of stresses that come with being a homeowner – redecorating, buying furniture with money I don’t have, the horror that is a MORTGAGE and being an actual grown up – but all of these are steadier, and can be done at my own pace. For the first time as an adult, I’ll have a base. A place I can truly stop and be calm in. What I really hope for is to create a proper home for myself and my boyfriend, a place which is completely ours and can provide the stability we need. Not so long ago, I thought that I would love a life where I moved country every couple of months, one where there’s always something new on the horizon. I’ve since learnt that while change, or at least variety, is something I definitely crave, without a base to come back to it’s just uncertainty and vulnerability than exciting; without a place to come home to I just feel adrift.
The opportunity to buy property was afforded to me by a combination of tragedy and good fortune. I’m very aware of how lucky I am to be able to create this haven for myself, and I’m delighted to be able to share it with the person I love most. This flat is a step on the road to truly building a life for myself. It’s a place that’s mine, a place I can always go back to and where I can be safe. It will be a new beginning and a place of security – if the solicitors would just bloody hurry up.