I’ve been working in an office for way too long now, and where I work there’s a fair amount of staff turnover. As people have been and gone, gleefully fleeing through the doors I return to each day, I’ve noticed a pattern in the types of people that work in offices. These are six people you’ll probably find in every office and I low-key hate them all.
The one that won’t shut up
The rest of the office is deathly quiet. If it was generally noisy it would be fine, but honestly I don’t care about how your train on Friday was SO BUSY and oh my god I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THAT ABOUT ANT AND DEC! Nobody cares. Please, please stop.
The weirdo trying to impress everyone
This is the guy who clearly wanted to be the class clown at school but isn’t actually funny. Now you’re in the adult world and most people are polite enough to pretend to laugh so you think you’re the bee’s knees. Whether it’s the wild gesticulations or the Trumpesque declarations that you would run into a school shooting to help but you’d be fine because you’re immortal hahahahaha so funny. We all hate you. Stop.
The one that works too hard
Please, chill out. The bosses are taking advantage of your hard-working nature and general congeniality. You DO NOT need to stay until 8pm when we finish at 5pm. Look after yourself, honey.
The odd couple
Him and her??? Really? Okay, whatever, but do you have to always be surreptitiously holding hands under the table? And please don’t bang in the disabled loo because it would tarnish my one refuge from this hell hole.
The one who nobody knows what their job is
And neither do they. They’ve been here for longer than anyone can remember and they’re related to the company owner, they arrive late and leave early and only ever seem to have a blank spreadsheet open. What do you do???
Beautiful yet aloof girl
You’re stunning and occasionally deign to chat when forced to, but anyone who’s remotely chubby or not “on your level” is beneath your notice. Get over yourself.
Okay, rant over! Can you tell I wrote this on my lunch break? If you work in an office do any of these ring true for you?