Two weeks ago, my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me. It shouldn’t really have come as a surprise since technically I broke up with him five days before that, then gave him a second chance. Essentially he has plans to move to another country in a few years and I had known for a while that he wanted to do it by himself, while I wanted to go with him. It all boiled down to that in his eyes we had an expiration date. We love(d) each other, but circumstances conspired that it was never going to work.
What I’ve Learned
Love isn’t enough
I suspect he was never really in love with me. He may have loved me, but being in love with someone is different. I read once that like, love and in love equates to now, for a while and forever. I would normally say that’s a load of rubbish but it does seem accurate in this situation. Unless you both place an equal amount of importance on each other, there’s always going to be one taking advantage of the other, even unintentionally.
You Can Start Again
My whole life has pretty much fallen apart. I had quit my job a few
weeks before because I was always exhausted and it wasn’t going
anywhere. Now I’m living with my Mother in a tiny town in the North
West of England, with no job and no boyfriend! I don’t want to move back
to Manchester, because I think the probabilty of remaining hung up on
my ex will just increase. We both want to be together right now, but
we also both know that this is never going to work, and I’m the one who
is being hurt the most. I’m already making plans, and things are starting to look up as I begin to accept that we’re really broken up and I need to start again.
Friendship Is Possible, But Not Yet
For the first week after we broke up properly, before I retrieved all of my stuff from our/his apartment, we spoke on the phone every day. He’s my best friend, and we were both grieving the loss of our relationship. We both cried a lot on the phone, and got absolutely no closure that way. In fact, the opposite happened, and I convinced myself that I wanted to get back together and that the whole thing was stupid. I then spent much of the week trying to convince him of the same, which in hindsight is very embarrassing. I’ve not contacted him since we moved out my stuff and really said goodbye, except to inform him that I accidentally took some of his stuff and that he still has some of mine. I know it’s over now, and I can also see that it’s for the best. He’s my best friend and knows me like noone else, but I think it’s time I reconnected with some of my old friends that I’ve been missing. Distance will be good.
It Will Get Better
There’s no denying that breaking up really sucks, but it does get better. With some closure and a little perspective, I’ve found that it’s for the best. I was always aware of his faults, but now I can see how in the long term we never would have worked. He never stopped me from doing anything, in fact he often encouraged me to broaden my horizons, but my blind dedication to him and our relationship meant I was limiting myself. I may feel down on my luck right now, but for the first time since we got together I can do anything with my life. He was worried he would ruin my life if he gave me hope for the future and we stayed together, and he was right. He always was the more level headed of the two of us!
What I’m Doing Now
Now, I’m job hunting like crazy and spending a lot of time with the cat. I don’t know what I want to do, but I know what I don’t, which is half the battle. Wish me luck!